They’ll get you in the end
Have you ever sat through a movie and thought as the credits roll “What the fuck did I just watch?”
Well, that’s Ghoulies all over. It’s a film about the occult, but known for the little ghoulie monsters on the movie poster, even though the film could have been made without them at all. We get a killer puppet that, well, doesn’t actually kill, evil midgets that aren’t very evil and a killer zombie that…you guessed it, doesn’t kill anything!
The movie starts with a group of cultists sacrificing a baby for, well; it’s not really made clear. The baby is spared at the last minute and saved by Wolfgang, I guess an on the spot reformed cultist. Years later baby Jonathan inherits his father’s (The leader of the cult) home, and finds his books of the occult. In the middle of possibly the worst party in the world, Jonathan decides that a good party game would be to perform an occult ritual… as you do.
What follows is a mess of an occult film with no actual direction, very little plot and some of the worst acting I’ve ever seen. Nothing really makes any sense and for a horror film supposedly about killer ghoulies, fuck all actually happens! We even get a freeze screen cliffhanger ending. The only horror in the cliffhanger is the fact that they were funded to make sequels, and they assumed they would!
In all honesty, if you want a light mini-monster movie, stick to Critters or Tremors. At least you’ll get a coherent plot, with the monsters actually doing something!
I have to say, I hate saying bad things about anyone’s artistic vision, but Ghoulies really is a load of old bollocks! I wouldn’t bother with it.
